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04:35am 05/10/2005
mood: anxious, nervous, not so great
Just when you think you've figured out the world's upside down, it turns on you all over again......

Things have been less than rosey around here, as seems to be the usual run of things. Ergh, I hate all this bad news bullcrap all the time. And it's not for a lack of trying to make things better, they just keep seeming to get worse and worse, go figure. So far Samantha's lost her license for a good six months, and I'm probably going to have to pay a fine for some things we did. I haven't really talked to her much in the past few days since I haven't been home and she's been in trouble up to her ears for the most part at home.

Payday doesn't seem to want to come fast enough for me. I need it for rent, other bills (ones which I'm almost sure Pam is holding off to one side just to make worse), and most importantly, so I can rent movies and whatnot so I can finally cheer Samantha up, she's been wicked stressed out lately with all the crap that's been going on and when she needed me there the day the shit hit the fan I wasnt' able to show up until much later than I should have been able to be there. In other words, I feel like an ass for not being there for her in a heartbeat, like I know I should have been. I think I'm going to see about taking her with me to the movie place to see what she wants to get, video games included, and I'll probably get her some Black Rasberry Ice Cream too. I really want to let her have a good time, she definetely deserves it.

So far everything's up in the air and it's killing me. Maybe when the dust finally settles some I'll feel better, but until then it's going to be a bumpy ride.
10:30pm 23/09/2005
mood: eh, okay
New Entry Time!.....

So far things are....uh.....well, kinda crappy. Life's had it's up and downs, and lately it's been all kind of crappy with brief spots of good stuff here and there. I got paid finally, I gave Pam $160 for the phone bill which rightfully should be at least half hers, but I'm not giving her a cent for rent or anything coming up, so I'll call it even.

Having this money is a very good thing since it allows me to A)save up for the place I want to move into, and B)also allows me to start saving up for Samantha's birthday as well, I know what I've got to get, and I'm getting places on where to go to get it.

In all honesty I love Samantha. I don't care who reads this, I LOVE SAMANTHA!

On the down sides, I've been getting bitched out at work for this that and everything else. The new Assistant Manager of the front end and softlines seems to have decided to start bearing down on all the cashiers, which has got to be the worst idea I think he's had yet. Right now the place is sorely understaffed when it comes to cashiers and he's pissing off a good number of them, either that or firing them, or their quitting because of him. Also, the place I'm looking into had to reschedule the appointment to check the place out for some reason or other. Which could put quite the cramp into my plans.

Other than that, Samantha has been having some really bad luck lately, which is a bit dis-heartening to hear. So far she's gotten a concussion from walking into a door, she's picked up the same cold I got when I was helping her clean up her room last week, and on top of all of that, most of her paychecks and whatnot have been smaller than they should have been, so anytime I go to mention doing anything she feels like a mooch because I have to pay for her (a thing I don't mind doing in the least, so long as I have it to spend).

Besides all of this REALLY bad luck she's been having lately, the pain medication she's been put on for her concussion has been leaving her tired as hell, which means we can't go hang out or even talk to her or anything at night because she's out like a light early. :(

So, excuse all the whining and all, but life's been less than sunshiny lately. Still, there's still many good things on the horizon to look foward to, Samantha's birthday (which I WILL be ready for!), my own moving out (or possibly just my keeping this place, eh), and the guarenteed gaining of my license and a car (which will make life soo much easier!).

Later Days and Better Lays everybody, I'll update next time I feel the urge to!
03:12am 01/09/2005
mood: okay
Things are just plain confusing....

The whole matter of me and Samantha is now back to being muddy. I'd still like to be happy with her, and she's had good reasoning for why she hadn't been able to get a hold of me, but I don't know. I have to see how things go with us. When I say she had some good reasoning, I MEAN she had some VERY good reasons (she told me, but they're personal so I'm not going to repeat them) so I want to wait and see how things go for us. If it goes well then hurrah, if not, then it's breakup city. I mean, don't be confused for a second here, I have feelings for her, serious ones, but I'm not going to go through hell if it's all for nothing. So I'll have to see how it all pans out in the end.

I wrote a couple of new songs recently, ones a longer one the other's just a short little something. They're okay I guess. I taught myself most of "Idiot Savant", I actually picked it up pretty quickly. There's just one small part I have yet to master, then I'll know another great Queers song. Whoo-hoo!

As far as my plans for today go, I intend on going to bed shortly after this and later today meeting up with Samantha at her house (she's sick right now), I'm going to bring her some of her favorite stuff and it should even help with her cold. She's apparently got some weird version of strep throat and is having a hard time staying hydrated, so I'm bringing her some popcorn (one of her favorite foods), Mountain Dew (one of her favorite drinks), as well as a couple of movies, "Lost Boys" (her favorite movie of all time) and "Sin City" (A movie she really really liked, though I haven't seen it yet). I'm hoping all goes well.

There's more on the horizon, but I have to get to bed here. Goodnight Everybody!
04:48pm 25/08/2005
mood: Okay, with PIZZA!
"[Writing] in the realm of spooks and slitherings by moonlight..." from the foward in Steven King's "The Night Shift"....

My comic book is begining to get somewhere finally. I have an acceptable setup for the whole thing. Rather than the town is named Buryton, it's actually the name of the mannor that the main character lives in. There's quite a bit more to it than that, but I don't want to put it all down here right now. Anyways, I've got the basic backgrounds for all of the primary characters done out, as well as the Mannor and it's surrounding areas and some stuff on the family lineage. All comic book type stuff, but good and original at that. I'm coming up with ideas for the first issue as well, and I've figured out how to deal with the problem I was having in starting the story (I couldn't come up with a good way to begin the whole thing), so most of my problems are solved on that matter. I've also come up with a much better (and easier to draw) version of "Joe", one of the trio of main characters in the comic. I'm quite happy with the whole thing so far. Now I just need to see about practicing drawing older style buildings and furniture so I can do the backgrounds a little better.

Some other news is that I have finally mastered Screaching Weasel's "Don't turn out the lights" one of my favorite songs by them, as well as one of the first ones I ever learned too. There was an issue I kept having with a riff in the chorus, but I figured it out and it was SO SIMPLE! I practically kicked myself in the ass when I figured it out.

As far as my breakup goes, I STILL haven't been able to get ahold of Samantha in person, I think she's just stalling for time so she can find some one else and dump me or some crap, that and so she can keep my stuff (she probably thinks that if I don't get it back after long enough, I won't bother with it at all). I intend on going over there very shortly today actually, if she's not home I'm going to wait for her to get there because I'm sick of trying to play catch up.
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02:28am 18/08/2005
mood: mixed
Hmm, not quite sure what to say....

It's official! I'm breaking up with Sam. I'm sick of the constant bullshit, and agree with pretty much everyone on this. She's a bitch. Simple as that.

Once I get my stuff back from her, I'll be able to speak a bit more openly, since she won't be in a postion to destroy some very hard to replace items of mine that she has. Say what you want to though, I thought for a moment I had found someone, it's why I put up with the bullshit for so long. Too bad it was all just a big fucking farce.
02:23am 12/08/2005
mood: Six Months, woot!

I would like to announce that in four days (the 16th) it will have been six months to the day since I asked Samantha out. WEEE HEEEE!! I've got a neat little idea in mind for what to give her, she's been wanting to do this for a while.

Hee Hee....
01:38am 12/08/2005
mood: blah bordering on depressed.
I won't get into detail's here, I don't think anyone wants to listen for that long...

Short version of a long story, It looks like RHPS isn't happening for me this week, and to go along with that, Samantha's been trying to remain as incommunicado as is humanly possible with Me, Tony, and Eric. Wish I knew why. And don't think I don't know why because I haven't tried asking, I just haven't been able to get a hold of her long enough to ask.


Other than that, I've been trying to bring back my comic book with some decent ideas for the plot (the begining's always the hard part, advanced story points are easy for me though.) and it's been almost slow going, since I haven't been able to stay awake for very long these past couple of days, much less focus my eyes enough to draw a straight line. Luckily I got a whole lot of sleep earlier today and should be good to go for a few more days.

Nothin' much to look foward to though right now. Let's see if I can't get somethin' shakin', huh?
12:43pm 08/08/2005
mood: okay
Rocky Horror Picture Show coming up soon.....

Yeah, the Secoast Rep. is doing a production of RHPC and I'm going with Samantha. I wanted to go as "Eddie" but go figure, Samantha wants me to in drag instead. So of course, guess who's goin' in drag? Oh well, Tony's going and so is Eric, so things should be a little easier to deal with then. I mean, the whole reason I'm going that way is because I know Samantha will have a better time if I do, so I can deal with it.

Works been interesting, if not dragging on a bit. But it's wal*mart, why the hell wouldn't it drag? Still, other than that there isnt' much to talk about. I got The Ramones "Rocket to Russia", its' the re-release so it's got a few extra tracks on it. "SLUG", "Needles and Pins", "Sheena is a Punk Rocker" and a few others, mostly just remakes of some of the other tracks from album, but it's a REALLY REALLY good album, I love it!

Oh, I had my first ever ride in a cop car a couple nights ago. Me and Tony were going from his house to mine with my old monitor I was letting him borrow when a cop drove by, he turned around and asked us what we were up to. We ended up explaining that we were just getting it back to my house, so he offered to give us a ride home. Since I had done a whole bunch of push ups earlier in the day, my arms were practically rubber. So of course I said 'yes'. The thing is that I'm just glad they didn't frisk us, I had my butterfly knife on me, and apparently those are illegal. I also had two other knives on me, but both of them are legal. I never knew this, but apparently the seats in cop cars are molded plastic and really, really cramped too.
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05:03pm 02/08/2005
mood: ow.

My brain hurts.
12:49am 23/07/2005
mood: okay
Alot has happened since my last entry.....

I've been a bit busy lately, a whole lot of time spent at work, a lot more time spent at Tony's, a little time spent up at the mall, and here and there I got to see Samantha, which was nice.

As a belated birthday thing, I've been getting myself a few gifts. So far they've been a three disc set of ten black and white horror movies, The Saint, and Fight Club, along with a cool little butterfly knife that's mostly for show. It's sharp and all, but I already have my buck knife, so I'm pretty much all set there. I actually got gifts from Eric and Tony, which is surprising since neither of them really ever give gifts for birthdays. Eric gave me George Carlin's second book "Napalm & Silly Putty", and Tony gave me a DVD with Steve Martin in it called "LA STORY", it's a really funny movie. I haven't gotten anything from my family at all, and I don't really expect to, but Pam was supposed to take me for my driver's test, however she's been dragging her feet on the matter. I won't be able to get a ride there until the 28th at the soonest, but you can be damn sure, I'm going to be getting my license the FIRST time I go, otherwise, they're going to have a dead tester on their hands.

A bit more good news before I go, I saw a poster for The Rocky Horror Show at Seacoast Rep. I've mentioned it to Samantha just now, as I am writing this, and she's quite happy to hear about it, it's her All-Time-Favorite Theater/Movie Production Ever, afterall. I don't know when/if we're going, but I'm pretty sure it'll happen sometime around the start of series of showings they're doing.

PS- I've finally figured out what I want to do with my life, I want to own and run a record shop. I intend on putting my life towards that goal, completely.
11:01pm 15/07/2005
mood: empty, just fuckin' empty
Somebody just shoot me in the face.....

Just shoot me in the face, I'll be fine. I don't care how this sounds, just do it. Put a barrel or two to my face and don't stop 'till there's nothing but a stump, that's all.
01:50am 02/07/2005
mood: Tired

I am Jack's over tired journal entry, I give people reason to never want to come back here again........


I've been working a lot lately, got my paycheck, it was a bit tinyier than I thought it would be, but it wasn't for a full 80 hours like I thought. In the previous two weeks I missed out on a few hours due to graduation etc. So it came out a bit tiny. Also. Sam's once again pissed with me. Over what I have no fuckin' clue. To be honest, I'm kind of not caring at this rate. I've been writing alot, unfortunately not my story.  I bought "Fight Club" recently, I haven't seen the movie in years, so it was alot of fun just chilling out at Tony's house watching it and cracking jokes during the whole movie. It's got one of my all time top ten songs in it too; "Where is My Mind?" by The Pixies. It's just another reason to love Chuck Palahnuik (pronounced Pa-lan-yuk) as an author and another great movie to watch anytime. Oh and my bass is now a fender "trashmaster", I'll put a picture up explaining it soon. I'm getting a new pair of chucks very soon. I can hardly wait, they're way more comfortable than my boots, which I've learned to despise. Other than that it's been work, work, work, oh yeah, and work some more.

More fun later when I've had some sleep and some shit happens.

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04:44pm 28/06/2005
mood: enh

Life's just full of up's and down's....

I've workng a bunch lately. A couple of days ago Walmart lost power to all of the front registers for like two hours, that was fun. I got to mess around with wheel chairs and shopping carts and stuff. The whole store was empty except for the cashiers and what not. It was great. Yesterday was Tony's first day in the deli, apparently he's quite thrilled with working in there, so long as it's busy. It was also the same day a bunch of demonic Walmart execs showed up. Of course everything was acting funny, the de-magnetizers wouldn't stop going off every two seconds, there was a small sewage backup in the deli, the whole store smelled of sulpher and methane, the day before (when the power got knocked out) a telephone pole carrying powerlines got hit by lightning, and stuff just kept randomly going wrong. and I had to stay an hour late because all of our cashiers had just randomly decided not to show. That's it, proof right there, Walmart is run by the Devil. Damn it, I work for the Devil.....

....what a gyp.

Also, some of the good things that have happened lately, I got forty bucks from citizen's for absolutely nothing. I'm thinking about getting a pair of chucks with it. It's either that or see about taking Samantha out for the night, or something like that. I'm losing weight again, which is good, I'm looking better than I used to. I'm writing a new song, and I'm taking some advice I got from richard to heart. It seems okay so far, kind of Screaching Weasel sounding. I've been writing my book some more, but something I've noticed is that it's one of those on-again-off-again sorts of things, at least when it's meant to be a full book or at the least a novella or something.

And now for another downer, apparently one of Samantha's friends tried to kill himself today. This of course has left her in a not-so-happy mood, and so by extension her bad mood made mine not so much better. I'm not entirly sure what to do. I was going to see about going out to a movie with her, but now I doubt she'll be up for anything during the couple of days I have off. I don't know, I think I'm going to see about finding something we can do to make her feel better. For right now, I'm probably going just catch up with her after work or something, I don't really know.

01:17pm 23/06/2005
mood: kind of bored

Work, Work, Work, then it's quittin' time!.....

Things have been a bit hectic since my last entry here. 1) I've been spending very little time around the ol' homestead since I've been at Tony's for the most part. The graduation came and went, nothing overly special about it. The party afterwards was a little weird I suppose. Eric's mom took me off to one side and asked me not to say anything about her being a lesbian, apparently her biological father whom she'd finally found just recently is a bit of a conservative type. What get's me is that it wouldn't have been a topic of conversation anyways, I guess she was just paranoid about it or something.


Anyways, the rest of the party went off with nothing really of any interest happening. We didn't go to the TDH show like we were supposed to, even though I asked everyone about it in advance, they all suddenly decided to change their minds at the last minute. Samantha, who now has her license, ended up driving me and her up to West Coast to rent 'Party Monster'. Eric and Tony watched it, nothing special there. On the way back from West Coast we did do one thing that was interesting though, we caught air in Samantha's mother's Explorer. THAT was fun. :)

After that I can't think of much of anything that was interesting that happened. Tony picked up an Xbox, Eric's got a used PS2 now. Nothing particularly spectacular happened. Though I'm going for my license as soon as next payday comes around. I've got the book, I'm going over the text answers and otherwise, the driving's gonna be easy. I'm gonna shock the pants off the tester guy with how good I am. I also wrote a new song while I was at work. Nothing special there. Also, I'm writing my own book. I've been writing two or three pages a day now for a few days.

I just can't wait for next week to come, pay day and all!!

12:19am 18/06/2005
mood: Okay, missing Samantha though.
It's the weekend.....

Yeah, it's the weekend right now, my belly's full of pizza and I'm kinda sleepy. The killer part is that I have to BE AT WORK by SIX AM. I should probably get some sleep right now, but that's probably not gonna happen any time soon. I was supposed to go over to Sam's house and get my ear pierced, but she got her license today and wanted to go out with a couple of other friends to celebrate. Don't ask me what it was they did, I wasn't there.

Instead, I went over to Tony's house and got caught in the rain on the way there. By the time I made it to his house, I was drenched and some of my stuff was too which sucked. While I was there me and the guys gamed some and ordered pizza. It was an okay time, but I noticed something after Sam told me she was going out with out me; my day, which had until then been okay, suddenly sucked horribly. As a matter of fact, my whole week did. It was kind of strange how whether I was going to see her or not could suddenly change my mood like that. Even while I was at Tony's I didn't have that great of a time because it was without Sam. So I guess this is what it's like to be in love, huh? (I know the previous few lines sounded like something out of a teeny-bopper's journal or something, so spare me the remarks about it.)

It's really kind of weird knowing that someone can have that kind of control of your emotional status like that. Still, I want to go hang out with her. I guess I'm just a dumb punk in love.
12:44am 15/06/2005
mood: sleepy, full of anticipation
I can hardly wait for this weekend.....

I'm dying with anticipation of this coming weekend; Thursday I get paid, Friday I get my ear pierced by sam, Saturday I have a whole shitload of stuff to do; be at work by six for four hours (6-10) then I have to haul ass over to the highschool before eleven to go catch the graduation for a couple of hours, then I'm heading over to Eric's graduation party with him and Sam. Me and her, possibly tony and eric as well, are all gonna head to the VFW at five or so to go catch the TDH/others show for a while. After that I'm not sure what we're gonna go do, maybe see about catching a flick or something, oh cool idea just now, see about getting up to Hiltop Fun Center to go play DDR or something, I know tony and sam like it, and I think eric does to, I'll give it a try (a fat guy trying to flail about madly to bad japanese techno, I'll look hilarious.)

Other than that, work's fine I guess. I've got Friday off, and things should be all setup for me to have the 13th of July off. My birthday's the 12th, but the thing is that I intend on going shot-for-shot with sam with tequila. She wants to try to drink me under the table, I bet she wins since it's my first and only time I really intend on getting drunk. Still, I've got weight on my side, plus, both of my parents drank alot before I was born, so that should give me some sort of resistance to the stuff, right?
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02:39am 12/06/2005
mood: okay
Okay things are a bit jumbled but okay I suppose......

I've been working at Walmart for a while now and I'm begining to get used to things, I just hate it when I'm stuck at work all day and it's really great out. It kinda makes me want to call out and just go have some fun, but I know that if I don't go to work, I'm gonna be a bum. *sigh* Still, I'd rather have to suffer through a few days and get out for the evenings than live on the street as a total bum. This Friday I'm gonna go over to Sam's house and get my ear pierced. I think I'm going to end up with a whole lot of piercings by the time she has her license. BUT, I can always just leave them out for a while and they'll heal over, so I won't have to go around with sixteen pounds of steel in my face all the time, looking like a jackass. More news; I finally got to game with the guys tonight, we had a lot of fun and I finally managed to get in touch with Older Eric about the whole comic book thing. He seems okay with it. I've got to look into getting a long distance phone card so I can call him up and whatnot. I think that I could actually do well with this comic book. I've been drawing like mad, and since it's something I enjoy doing, it'd most certainly be a dream job for me. I'm getting paid this Thurdsay at Walmart and if they try to say otherwise I'm going to scream and burn the place down. Really. Another note, when I head over to Sam's this weekend I'm going to get that driver's ed book so I can hurry up and get my license already, that'll help loads with my social life.

I do have just one more major complaint though, I wish they'd just figure out a normal schedule for me. Having a schedule that constantly moves around by three and four hours between when I'm supposed to be in is killing me. Other than that, I think I'm starting to get used to working there.
05:45pm 10/06/2005
mood: Tired, bit Depressed (damn it)
Life's just been a barrel of nervous laughs lately.....

Fuck the lame little intro's with lame attempts at sarcasim here I just want to get to the point, I've been working at Wally World now for about two weeks thus far and haven't gotten a single paycheck yet. They pay bi-weekly so when I went in this past thursday, all bright eyed and hopeful, thinking "things are gonna get better", I was rather dissappointed (and pissed to say the least) to find out that I have to wait three weeks in order to get a pay check from them, and that it's probably gonna be small for the first one. FUCK!!!

Then, on top of that, I've been dying to go hang out with Sam lately. But I haven't had the time and when she came into the store recently (and went through my line, which left me completely off all day) I felt like a total jackass. So now, I want to go over to her house, but I'm not sure what I'll do when I get there. I feel like a total loser every time anything bad happens involving my job/income and also when we hang out, it helps to have money so we can do stuff (movies, get garlic bread, etc). She's been who I look forward to seeing all week, and who I want to talk to when I get home at night, so when all this crap happens I keep feeling like I'm getting in the way of things. I oughta just shut the hell up on this, it's getting old.

On other notes, I've been doing some more stuff involving music, I wrote a new song. I've been making riffs alot lately. When it comes to my artwork I've been just kind of farting around in my notebook while I'm at work, making stuff that look's like H.R. Geiger's artwork (or at least attempting to). I've been having silly little ideas to throw into it as well; The Walmart Voodoo Priest for example, he turns all of the employees at walmart (known as "Corner-Mart" or something like that, in my comic) into soulless zombies. Bent only on making everyone's life a living hell until there are enough of them to take over the world. You know, silly, stupid shit like that.

I'm gonna sign off now, so I can go shower, shave, and see what Sam's up to.
10:10pm 03/06/2005
mood: Waiting in Anticipation
Things are happening all around....

Okay, here's what's going on; Right now I'm working mornings/afternoon's/evenings over at Walmart and not feeling all that bad about it all. The place gets a bit hectic and could use some more air conditioning, but other than that, it's an okay place to work. I've been playing my bass alot too, and recording everything I've been playing. It's sounding good in spots, not good in others. But the whole point of me recording these things is to make sure I don't forget the catchy riffs and thusly can turn them into songs later on. Speaking of musical stuff I've put a listing up on justanotherscene.com , I'm looking for a pop punk band to join. Personally, I'd love to have my own band, but since that's gonna be a while and then some, I decided instead to look for my own band to join. With any luck I'll get a few hits and get lucky on the matter. Graduation's coming up for the guys soon, and I intend on being there, the only forseeable problem for that is the fact that I have to work 6am-10am just before the graduation takes place at 11am that morning. With any luck I'll get to use the car and make the whole matter that much easier on myself. There's more to talk about, but I don't think anyone who reads this is really gonna care about/wanna hear about it. Let's see what happens, hmmm?
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08:00pm 01/06/2005
mood: okay, kinda tired
The Thing What Hired Me...

I know I've been a bit lax on my entries lately, but there is a reason behind the procrastination! I've been at work and tired as hell by the time I get home in the afternoons. I never thought working as a cashier at Walmart would require much energy, but it's been tiring me out a lot lately. Anyways, it's been wicked fun working there so far, and all I've been doing is cashiering so I think it's a job I could live with. I hate to say it, but I've also been rather lax on my comic and my music lately, as well. Again, with a reason, but this one isn't my new occupation, but rather my preoccupation, my girlfriend, samantha. I've been hanging out with her while she's been sick, we've been watching movies and the like. We watched "Labrynth" (spelling on that one, anyone?), and that movie shows waaaay too much of David Bowie's crotch (this having been pointed out by Samantha herself by the way). It's also a good deal darker than I remember it to be from when I watched it when I just a pint sized version of myself years ago, especially for a Jim Henson movie too. I didn't get to see all of it, but I watched most of it while I was there and it was okay, if a little cheesy none-the-less. We also watched Ladder 49, which was supposed to be a really sad movie, but it didn't seem that way to me. It was more like "Backdraft" with a few things changed about it than anything really all that sad, or for that matter entertaining.

On other notes, I've got my extra amp chord back from richard. This is excellent news for me since it means I can record my bass riffs and/or songs and write them to fit the tune from there. I'm thinking about putting up a listing on justanotherscene.com to find a band, but I'd still rather have my own band. I'm gonna try to make that my next project, getting a band together, or at the least joining one I like.